I have friends with kids. Little kids. Little kids for whom I buy Christmas gifts. And this past holiday season, because I live across the country from the kids to whom I play "Auntie Shari", I ordered a lot of gifts online and had them shipped.
You know where this is going, right?
Yes, exactly. Now, I am INUNDATED with catalogues from all kinds of kids' stores.... everything from Hanna Andersson to Land of Nod to Land's End kids to PB Teen. I am caught in the ugly vortex of list brokering.
But, I mean, COME ON, marketing people! Can't you tell that when I placed my order, I had it shipped to an address other than my own AND I asked for it to be gift-wrapped?? Stop sending the kids' catalogues to ME. I am clearly not the one with a kid. I am the worst kind of customer -- completely unprofitable. You can send me catalogues all year long and I'll never buy a thing.
This is just like the time I kept getting all kinds of "Congratulations, you're a new mom!!" kinds of junk mail simply because one of my friends used my address to get another free sample of some baby widget or other. I had samples of Enflac showing up for months.
Thursday, July 12, 2007
Mystery Trip
So, my phone (ie. my land line in my apartment) rang just after 7:00 this morning. I was still wandering around with a towel wrapped around my head, having freshly emerged from the shower. At first, I thought it must be Special K calling since he had to get up at some ungodly hour on the west coast in order to catch a flight. But no, the line that's ringing is the line from the concierge/doorman desk downstairs.
"Hey, Nigel", I answer.
"Hello, Miss Gunn. How are you today?"
Small talk at 7:00 am, Nigel?
"Fine, Nigel. What's up?"
"I just wanted to let you know that your car is here."
"My car?" My own mental wheels are spinning.
"Yes, you have a car booked at 7:15 taking you to LaGuardia, right?"
"Um, not that I know of." I'm still wracking my brain trying to figure out if I actually FORGOT about a trip I'm supposed to be on. (C'mon, could happen!)
"Oh, I'm sorry -- they must have made a mistake. I'll let them know." And we hang up.
Very random, I think, as I pour myself a bowl of Cheerios and a glass of juice. But like a goldfish with a five second attention span, the incident immediately flits from my brain, and now I'm wrapped up in a mental dance about what am I going to wear on yet another hot sweaty city day. And then my cell phone rings about 5 minutes later.
"Hello?"
"Good morning, this is the Lickety Split Car Service. Is this the Gunn party?" (Ok, so Lickety Split is not actually their real name... but it should be.)
"Well, it's 7:15 in the morning now... the party actually ended a couple of hours ago."
Ok, not so funny.
"Ma'am, did you book a car for the LaGuardia airport this morning?" Ugh, he just called me ma'am.
"No, actually I didn't -- I'm really sorry, but there must be some mistake. I'm really not sure how this happened. I did use your service twice last week for another trip, but that was drop off and pick up at Kennedy."
"Ok, well, thank you, ma'am (there it is AGAIN)... I'm sure we'll figure it out. Sorry to bother you."
"Wait, one more thing... do you know where I was allegedly supposed to be going once I got to LaGuardia? Anywhere interesting?"
Click.
Guess I won't be calling Lickety Split for a while.
"Hey, Nigel", I answer.
"Hello, Miss Gunn. How are you today?"
Small talk at 7:00 am, Nigel?
"Fine, Nigel. What's up?"
"I just wanted to let you know that your car is here."
"My car?" My own mental wheels are spinning.
"Yes, you have a car booked at 7:15 taking you to LaGuardia, right?"
"Um, not that I know of." I'm still wracking my brain trying to figure out if I actually FORGOT about a trip I'm supposed to be on. (C'mon, could happen!)
"Oh, I'm sorry -- they must have made a mistake. I'll let them know." And we hang up.
Very random, I think, as I pour myself a bowl of Cheerios and a glass of juice. But like a goldfish with a five second attention span, the incident immediately flits from my brain, and now I'm wrapped up in a mental dance about what am I going to wear on yet another hot sweaty city day. And then my cell phone rings about 5 minutes later.
"Hello?"
"Good morning, this is the Lickety Split Car Service. Is this the Gunn party?" (Ok, so Lickety Split is not actually their real name... but it should be.)
"Well, it's 7:15 in the morning now... the party actually ended a couple of hours ago."
Ok, not so funny.
"Ma'am, did you book a car for the LaGuardia airport this morning?" Ugh, he just called me ma'am.
"No, actually I didn't -- I'm really sorry, but there must be some mistake. I'm really not sure how this happened. I did use your service twice last week for another trip, but that was drop off and pick up at Kennedy."
"Ok, well, thank you, ma'am (there it is AGAIN)... I'm sure we'll figure it out. Sorry to bother you."
"Wait, one more thing... do you know where I was allegedly supposed to be going once I got to LaGuardia? Anywhere interesting?"
Click.
Guess I won't be calling Lickety Split for a while.
Monday, July 9, 2007
Nerd Humour
So, this post really has nothing to do with New York per se, except for the fact that the t-shirt I saw which prompted this post was on the body of some random New Yorker walking down the street today. Funniest t-shirt slogan I've seen in a long time:
"Talk Nerdy to Me!"
(accompanied by a line drawing of a computer, natch!)
"Talk Nerdy to Me!"
(accompanied by a line drawing of a computer, natch!)
Thursday, July 5, 2007
I Made It!
I am now safe and sound in Southern California. In fact, my flight was even 10 minutes EARLY. Sweet. My major obstacle in getting to the airport this time were all the extra vehicle inspection points out at JFK itself. With the recent activity in the UK (and especially the Glasgow incident), the authorities are inspecting all vehicles on their way into the airport and that adds extra time to the commute.
The worst thing that happened on the flight was that one of the members of the particularly loud and obnoxious family sitting directly behind me decided that it was ok for him to take off his shoes and proceed to rest his dirty, grubby sock-glad dogs ON MY ARM REST. I was blissfully unaware until I happened to actually try to use the armrest for, god forbid, MY ARM, and I bumped something with my elbow. (I was sitting on the aisle.) When I turned to see what I bumped, I think I made an audible "UGH" when I saw the offending sock (complete with dirty toe marks) uncomfortably part of my own personal space. That was the LAST time said fellow passenger infringed on my approximately 12 cubic feet of space in that 737.
Happy (belated) Fourth to all my Americans! Had a wonderful holiday with Special K, including being lucky enough to see one of the few fireworks displays actually allowed in the area this year. (There were a lot of restrictions this year because it's as dry as a tinderbox here.)
The worst thing that happened on the flight was that one of the members of the particularly loud and obnoxious family sitting directly behind me decided that it was ok for him to take off his shoes and proceed to rest his dirty, grubby sock-glad dogs ON MY ARM REST. I was blissfully unaware until I happened to actually try to use the armrest for, god forbid, MY ARM, and I bumped something with my elbow. (I was sitting on the aisle.) When I turned to see what I bumped, I think I made an audible "UGH" when I saw the offending sock (complete with dirty toe marks) uncomfortably part of my own personal space. That was the LAST time said fellow passenger infringed on my approximately 12 cubic feet of space in that 737.
Happy (belated) Fourth to all my Americans! Had a wonderful holiday with Special K, including being lucky enough to see one of the few fireworks displays actually allowed in the area this year. (There were a lot of restrictions this year because it's as dry as a tinderbox here.)
Tuesday, July 3, 2007
Wish Me Luck
Tomorrow morning, I embark on an adventure challenging and frightening enough to make even the most hardened New Yorkers take pause and reconsider their intentions. But I will grit my teeth, and with steely determination, I will do it... I will make my way across the city and through Queens to the John F Kennedy airport.
The journey is fraught with obstacles, some predictable and others wildly unexpected. My town car driver and I will be a wily pair of adventurers, negotiating traffic jams, random parades and demonstrations, accidents and the lot. We may even have to exit the Van Wyck Expressway and stealthily weave our way through unsuspecting suburban neighbourhoods in order to get there in time for me to catch my flight.
And once I arrive, that is just the first step. That's right, safe arrival at JFK does not guarantee success. Next I am at the mercy of the weather (not just here, but on the west coast, too), the assumption that the pilot and crew will actually show up for work that day and the fact that the blue-clad maintenance team is on top of their game and have made sure that the plane that will propel me and 200 other passengers is ready to go on yet another cross-country flight. Not to mention that security is, of course, on heightened alert given recent events both here and across the pond.
You may breezily assume that air travel is easy-peasy. I, with my recent history of missed and canceled flights, beg to differ.
The journey is fraught with obstacles, some predictable and others wildly unexpected. My town car driver and I will be a wily pair of adventurers, negotiating traffic jams, random parades and demonstrations, accidents and the lot. We may even have to exit the Van Wyck Expressway and stealthily weave our way through unsuspecting suburban neighbourhoods in order to get there in time for me to catch my flight.
And once I arrive, that is just the first step. That's right, safe arrival at JFK does not guarantee success. Next I am at the mercy of the weather (not just here, but on the west coast, too), the assumption that the pilot and crew will actually show up for work that day and the fact that the blue-clad maintenance team is on top of their game and have made sure that the plane that will propel me and 200 other passengers is ready to go on yet another cross-country flight. Not to mention that security is, of course, on heightened alert given recent events both here and across the pond.
You may breezily assume that air travel is easy-peasy. I, with my recent history of missed and canceled flights, beg to differ.
Sunday, July 1, 2007
Top of the Tower
My team hosted a party on Thursday night for our ad agencies and clients in the NY area and I’m proud to say it was a great success. (The only downside was that I missed a big Canada Day party downtown where there was rumoured to be Molson’s, Labatt’s, poutine and all Canadian tunes all night – fellow Canadian, Mike, went and reported back that it was indeed a pretty fun time – how could it NOT be with that many Canucks all in one place??)
But back to the party that I actually attended. We had about 150 guests in our VIP event space on our 44th floor. The party’s theme was “Summer Start-Up” and it was to jointly kick off the summer and to celebrate the re-launch of a dozen of our web sites.
A fun time was had by all and the views are spectacular… I’ll let the photos speak for themselves... The first one is a view to the northeast (that's the corner of Central Park) looking at the Upper East Side. The second one is looking south down 8th Avenue.
But back to the party that I actually attended. We had about 150 guests in our VIP event space on our 44th floor. The party’s theme was “Summer Start-Up” and it was to jointly kick off the summer and to celebrate the re-launch of a dozen of our web sites.
A fun time was had by all and the views are spectacular… I’ll let the photos speak for themselves... The first one is a view to the northeast (that's the corner of Central Park) looking at the Upper East Side. The second one is looking south down 8th Avenue.
Happy Canada Day, Eh!
For all you friends and family north of the 49th, Happy Canada Day!! One year ago today, Special K and I were in Vancouver and we accidentally stumbled into a situation where patrons were wearing t-shirts that proclaimed “Happy Cannabis Day!”, but that’s another story for another time.
So as a tribute to all that makes us unique in the world, here’s a list I’ve cobbled together from various places on the internet and from the recesses of my own brain:
You know you’re Canadian When:
- You know that “Jagged Little Pill” was not Alanis Morissette’s first CD.
- You know all the words to "If I had a Million Dollars" by The Barenaked Ladies, including the inter-stanza banter between Steven and Ed.
- You brag that Santa Claus lives in Canada and you know that his postal code is HOH OHO.
- You dismiss all beers under 6% as "for children and the elderly."
- You can sing "O Canada" in French and actually know what the words mean!
- You use a red pen on your non-Canadian textbooks and fill in the missing 'u's from labor, honor, and color.
- You know the French equivalents of "free," "prize" and "no sugar added," thanks to your extensive education in bilingual cereal packaging.
- You still haven't taken down your "NON" posters from the 95 Referendum.
- You wished that Relic's boat would get crushed to bits by one of those logs.
- You understand the sentence "Could you please pass me a serviette, I just spilled my bowl of poutine."
- You eat chocolate bars instead of candy bars. (Coffee Crisp, Aero and Mr. Big to name a few.)
- You know what a 1-2 and a 2-4 are (and you probably learned when you were still in high school!)
- You're not sure if the leader of your nation has EVER had sex and you don't WANT to know if he has!
- You know that Mounties "don't always look like that."
- You know that Casey and Finnegan are not a Celtic musical group.
- You know what Kraft Dinner and Kraft Singles are.
- Your municipality buys a zamboni before a bus.
- You pronounce the last letter of the alphabet "zed" instead of "zee."
- You read rather than scanned this list.
So as a tribute to all that makes us unique in the world, here’s a list I’ve cobbled together from various places on the internet and from the recesses of my own brain:
You know you’re Canadian When:
- You know that “Jagged Little Pill” was not Alanis Morissette’s first CD.
- You know all the words to "If I had a Million Dollars" by The Barenaked Ladies, including the inter-stanza banter between Steven and Ed.
- You brag that Santa Claus lives in Canada and you know that his postal code is HOH OHO.
- You dismiss all beers under 6% as "for children and the elderly."
- You can sing "O Canada" in French and actually know what the words mean!
- You use a red pen on your non-Canadian textbooks and fill in the missing 'u's from labor, honor, and color.
- You know the French equivalents of "free," "prize" and "no sugar added," thanks to your extensive education in bilingual cereal packaging.
- You still haven't taken down your "NON" posters from the 95 Referendum.
- You wished that Relic's boat would get crushed to bits by one of those logs.
- You understand the sentence "Could you please pass me a serviette, I just spilled my bowl of poutine."
- You eat chocolate bars instead of candy bars. (Coffee Crisp, Aero and Mr. Big to name a few.)
- You know what a 1-2 and a 2-4 are (and you probably learned when you were still in high school!)
- You're not sure if the leader of your nation has EVER had sex and you don't WANT to know if he has!
- You know that Mounties "don't always look like that."
- You know that Casey and Finnegan are not a Celtic musical group.
- You know what Kraft Dinner and Kraft Singles are.
- Your municipality buys a zamboni before a bus.
- You pronounce the last letter of the alphabet "zed" instead of "zee."
- You read rather than scanned this list.
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