I Want my IPTV

Or maybe not.

I am not happy with my cable provider at the moment. I think we are literally the ONLY building in Manhattan that does not have a contract with the tried and true cable provider, Time Warner.

Since I moved in, I have had an "issue" with my satellite cable no less than once every six weeks or so. Generally, these "issues" take the form of me being greeted by a blue screen (yes, it's a bad omen for more than just computers) that happily proclaims "No satellite signal". I do all the things I'm supposed to do: turn the TV off and back on, try to walk through the little (read: completely freaking useless) troubleshooting tutorial on the screen, and finally, go for the full "hard reboot" by yanking the entire power supply out of the wall for a few minutes.

Inevitably, I wind up on the phone to the customer service department saying "Just look in my file -- it's the same thing that happened last time."

So, the day before I took my last trip to CA, I turned on the TV for some background noise while I was packing and was faced with the ominous blue screen again. I upheld my part of the script while on the phone with a customer service rep and patiently obliged her in the slow dance of "did you unplug the receiver from the wall?" until she finally said "we'll send someone out first thing in the morning".

I went to work, the Useless Cable Company came to "fix" my cable, I came home from work to pick up my suitcase and flicked on the TV and actually got a picture... happy enough with that, I turned the TV off again and headed out the door to the airport.

Fast forward 10 days when I arrive back in NY. Last night, I turn on the TV to catch the late news and I find that I can't change channels, I can't get the satellite menu to come up and and venturing anywhere off of CBS gives me nothing but static. Sighing, I resignedly dial Useless Cable Company's customer service number (which I have now memorized via frequency of use) and explain the situation to the rep on the other end.

He asks me to try a few things, none of which have any impact, and then he asks my favorite question: "Are you sure the receiver is actually on?" I reply with "yes, it is", but it takes all my willpower not to say something like "On? Darlin', isn't this one of those fancy little HY-bred do-hickeys that runs on banana peels and solar power?" (Side note: It drives me nuts when people say "hybred" instead of "hybrid".)

THEN, Wayne from customer service proceeds to tell me that the package I've been paying for on my monthly bill isn't even a package they offer. Wha? Apparently, at some point over the past few months, Useless Cable Company has converted my building to a fibre optic cable service (that's the IPTV reference), but no one bothered to notify me. And not only that, but now I only have two package options. One is that I can pay the same I pay now, but get 130 fewer channels, OR I can pay twice as much as I pay now for every channel under the sun.

Or I guess there is actually one more option. I can make NO changes and watch anything I want -- as long as it's on CBS.