All Before 7 a.m. on a Saturday

My alarm went off long before the sun came up this past Saturday morning to kick-start my day of traveling to NYC. I threw my stuff into the car and headed up to the airport before the birds were even stirring.

It all started in the terminal at SFO. I had just purchased a bottle of water for the flight and was making my way out of the newsstand store when I heard “Excuse me, miss!” I stopped and turned, thinking maybe I had dropped something. Instead I was greeted by a guy with a slicked back pony tail, bolo tie and Sherpa vest. In a very zen-like way, he explained “There is a higher power that tells me that when I see a stranger twice within a few minutes, I must go and introduce myself to them.” I could barely refrain from responding, “Well, then airports must be an absolute field day for you then, huh?”

I smiled politely (I think) as he peeled one of his cards from the stack in his palm and said “I saw you in the security line and was going to give you a card then, but you were busy”.

Now let’s just stop here for a second.

He was going to give me a card back in the security line when he FIRST saw me? Wouldn’t that have been in violation of his Higher Power’s recommendation that he wait until the second time? Honestly, please think your pick-up lines through fully before releasing them on the unsuspecting public. I watched every episode of Matlock growing up and I can spot those inconsistencies a mile away. If he were a movie, that would have been a jarring continuity issue.

But not wanting to risk further conversation and engagement, I thanked Rico Suave and proceeded to my gate. 15 minutes later, they are doing the final call for a Dallas flight and he sprints over to where I am sitting, thrusts out his hand to shake mine and says “It was so great to meet you! I hope to see you again!”

A few of the people sitting around me in the waiting area smirked knowingly as they subtly glanced up from their newspapers and cell phones.

Rico dashed off to his gate and was the last to board before they closed the doors. I suppose I should be flattered that he almost missed his flight just so he could come and say good-bye to me, but mostly I just think he’s a little bit dim for taking that chance.

Once on the plane, I was blessed with two screaming children directly in front of me. They were screaming when they boarded, fought against their parents as said parents attempted to secure them in seatbelts, continued to scream and throw themselves against their seats, the floor and any other object unfortunate enough to be in their orbit for the next 4.5 hours. (Damn, those kids had some stamina. I thought for sure they’d wear themselves out an hour or two in.) Not only did they continue to cry and carry on, but they also began coughing in every single direction – one of those raspy, phlegmy kinds of coughs that you know has its roots in some nasty bug. I scrambled for my Airborne (and more importantly, some Tylenol PM for the little darlings.)

And finally, to complete the trifecta of randomness, the woman seated next to me pulled out her cell phone as soon as she sat down and remained on a call the entire time we were at the gate, crying and cussing and telling someone on the other line “he lied to me!” and then “he’s 42! He should know better!” and then “it’s like I’m a doormat with no feelings!”. But within the space of about 10 minutes she had changed her tune (but was still bawling) and now was seemingly defending the lying 42-year old scumbag with “that’s not fair! He didn’t mean that! He’s not that bad!”

American Airlines flight 24 to JFK. My own personal Twilight Zone. How much can one person really take before the sun has even come up?