In the Eye of the Beholder

On a bit of a whim today, I decided to go to the San Jose Museum of Art downtown. My Fodor's guide to NoCal uses a star to indicate that it's one of their recommended picks and suggests that the SJ Museum doesn't try to compete with the larger art museums in San Francisco, but rather that it "does its own thing".

I lucked into an Andy Warhol exhibit -- the soup cans and repeating Marilyn Monroe's still intrigue me. There was also a photo essay tribute to Frida Kahlo and it was fascinating to learn a bit more about her back story.

And then I entered the gallery where the permanent collection was housed.

The very first exhibit was a little bit difficult to make out as I approached from across the open landing. But even at a distance, it had the distinct flavour of a barnyard animal. A dirty barnyard animal.

Standing in front of it with my head cocked to the side, I figured it was most definitely a pig. A very muddy pig. Draped over a stool. And it looked like real mud. (Dried by now, of course.)

I looked over at the wall and read the card that described the piece of art and listed the artist and her details. Under "Materials", it read: "Stuffed animals, mud, furry bathrobes, and wood stool."

I kid you not.

I read a bit further to find out that the dried mud-covered object had indeed once been a pastel-colored stuffed animal pig. He had then been wrapped in fuzzy bathrobes so that his shape as a pig was now only barely discernible. Then he had been liberally coated in mud, left to dry and then propped up on a wood stool for the San Jose Museum of Art.

According to the artist, the use of the bathrobes was important because they suggest a connection with the human body and may evoke feelings of comfort. (Even when coated in mud??)

The last line of the description said that the artist's use of those particular materials "calls into question our definition of art."

I'll say it does.

Because Everyone in Canada Lives in Igloos

(Thanks to Cathy K who sent me this in an email earlier today which had me LMAO in the office. You Canadians will think it funnier than anyone else. Obviously.)

Now that Vancouver has won the chance to host the 2010 Winter Olympics, these are some questions people from all over the world are asking. Believe it or not these questions about Canada were posted on an International Tourism Website. Obviously the answers are a joke; but the questions were really asked!

Q: I have never seen it warm on Canadian TV, so how do the plants grow? (England)
A. We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around and watch them die.

Q: Will I be able to see Polar Bears in the street? (USA)
A: Depends on how much you've been drinking.

Q: I want to walk from Vancouver to Toronto - can I follow the Railroad tracks? (Sweden)
A: Sure, it's only four thousand miles, take lots of water.

Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Canada? (Sweden)
A: So it's true what they say about Swedes.

Q: Are there any ATM's (cash machines) in Canada? Can you send me a list of them in Toronto, Vancouver, Edmonton and Halifax? (England)
A: What, did your last slave die?

Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Canada? (USA)
A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe ... Ca-na-da is that big country to your North...oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Calgary. Come naked.

Q: Which direction is North in Canada? (USA)
A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.

Q: Can I bring cutlery into Canada? (England)
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.

Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA)
A : Aus-t-ri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is...oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Vancouver and in Calgary, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.

Q: Do you have perfume in Canada? (Germany)
A: No, WE don't stink.

Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Where can I sell it in Canada? (USA)
A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.

Q: Can you tell me the regions in British Columbia where the female population is smaller than the male population? (Italy)
A: Yes, gay nightclubs.

Q: Do you celebrate Thanksgiving in Canada? (USA)
A: Only at Thanksgiving.

Q: Are there supermarkets in Toronto and is milk available all year round? (Germany)
A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of Vegan hunter/gathers. Milk is illegal.

Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Canada, but I forget its name. It's a kind of big horse with horns. (USA)
A: It's called a Moose. They are tall and very violent, eating the brains of anyone walking close to them. You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.

Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA)
A: Yes, but you will have to learn it first.

Thank goodness Canadians are blessed with an excellent sense of humour. (Not humor.)

BBQ 4 U

You already know a little bit about my eating habits. You know, for instance, that I'm a sucker for a great slice of pizza and that while I enjoy a fine meal, I'm often just as happy with something down home (did I just say "down home"?) and basic. Special K is much the same way and one of his semi-regular cravings is good barbeque.

Note that I qualify barbeque with "good" because there is plenty of "bad" out there and having spent many of his formative years in Texas, Special K knows his ribs, tri-tip, brisket and links.

For months now, he has had his eye on a little hole-in-the-wall kind of place just down the street from my office and we finally decided to go check it out a couple of weekends back.

I could tell he was excited by the extra spring in his step as we made our way from the car across the tiny parking lot and as he flung open the door and stepped aside to let me into the place first. Now, I am not such a huge BBQ fan simply because I don't really like BBQ sauce all that much. However, I do like items that have been cooked ON a barbeque. (Heck, I grew up in the Texas of Canada, so I BETTER like it!) In spite of my fair-weather barbeque tendencies, even I could sense that something was amiss after one quick, cursory glance at the giant menu on the wall behind the counter.

Lots of burgers.

And more burgers.

Huh. And that's about it.

Special K wrinkled his nose and asked the guy behind the counter about the REAL barbeque stuff. With that, the guy gestured towards the grill top where another guy was flipping burgers.

"But what about brisket? Chicken? Sausage? Tri-tip?"

"Burgers" came the bored reply.

So we ordered burgers and called it a meal. Sort of.

Fast-forward a couple of weeks.

Last Friday night, we were driving down one of the main streets in Santa Clara when Special K's eagle eyes spotted the sign: "Andy's Bar-B-Que" in large neon lights. In a flash, I was in the right lane, turning into the parking lot.

As we walked into the place, I could feel Special K relax. "Ah, yeah.... this looks right... it SMELLS right." And sure enough, amidst the wood-panelled walls and pleather-seated booths, we were treated to REAL barbeque, Texas-style. Piles of chicken, tri-tip, pork ribs, and giant baked potatoes with the works. (When the waiter asked me "Do you want sour cream, butter, cheese, or chives on your potato?", I just replied with "Yes, please." He laughed.)

And I bet I'm the first person to eat a meal there and never (not ONCE) even dip into the barbeque sauce.

(Andy's Bar-B-Que is located at 2367 El Camino Real in Santa Clara. Go. And get the blue cheese dressing on the salad. A-mazing.)

Drama in the Valley

In the last 24 hours:

- I have been awoken by my neighbours screaming at each other at the tops of their lungs at 1:30 in the morning. AND their baby was screaming in the background. (Poor child.)

- A small child was screaming (sensing a theme here?) at 7:30 this morning and carried on for 15 minutes or more. I heard adult voices, so I didn't go investigate, but I think he may have fallen down the stairs or something. (Again... poor child.)

- As I was driving home from work tonight, I had to stand on my brakes in order to avoid the car in front of me who had stopped suddenly in the lane that peeled off onto the freeway on-ramp. As we got everything sorted out, I saw that a guy had jumped out of his Honda Accord and was beating on the passenger side window of an Audi A4 behind him, as the Audi driver threw his car into reverse in an attempt to flee the assault. Road rage, Sunnyvale style.

Don't let anyone tell ya that Silicon Valley is sleepy and suburban.

There's Something About Mary

I was determined, while in New York this last time, to see a show on Broadway since I would be there over a weekend and presumably have time to squeeze that in. One of the things I miss most about New York is the regular and frequent access to all sorts of culture, whether it's live music, Broadway, off-Broadway or even WAY off-Broadway.

While living in the Big Apple, I was a regular patron of the TKTS kiosk in Times Square and could often pick up a ticket to a great show for 50% off. And what's more, I could often even get a seat in an excellent location at the last minute because there would sometimes be single tickets left in prime orchestra section rows while finding two or three tickets together was much more difficult and could quickly put you in the upper balconies near the back.

On my Sunday in the city, I wandered up to the TKTS booth and was a bit surprised to see a more limited selection of available shows. I needed to go to an early show because I was meant to be at Mercury Bar between 4:00 and 4:30 for Super Bowl. There was a showing at 2:00 for "Pal Joey", but the only ticket left in the place was in the very last row of the top mezzanine.

I looked back at the ticker of available shows and saw that there was only one show at 1:00... which would be plenty of time to make it to the gathering for The Big Game. The only problem was that I wasn't sure I even really wanted to SEE the show that was at 1:00 .... I looked at the TKTS agent and asked "What do you have left for that 1:00 show?" She replied "I have a single in the 8th row center orchestra."

I took a deep breath and said, "Well, then.... one for Mary Poppins, please", and I parted with my $40.00.

As I made my way over to the New Amsterdam theatre on 42nd Street, I hoped that I hadn't made a mistake. I found my seat, and as you would expect, I was surrounded by kids under ten, many clutching stuffed animals and blankies along with their Playbills.

As it turned out, I needn't have worried. From the moment the curtain went up, the stage production of Mary Poppins was fabulous from every possible perspective. The cast was excellent, the sets were beautiful, Mary's little moments of "magic" were portrayed brilliantly for a live audience and the whole show was capped off by Mary disappearing out over the audience, drifting away with her signature umbrella in hand.

It was.... hmmm... what's that word....

Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious?

Ah yes, that's the very word.

Nerd Humour

I have a bit of a quirky sense of humour. (Starting with the fact that I still insist on spelling “humour” with a “u” despite having lived in the US for over a decade.) As a result, I enjoy anything witty and clever and I particularly appreciate plays on words.

When I was recently in New York, I saw the funniest t-shirt slogan I’d seen in a long time:

“Talk Nerdy to Me!” (accompanied by a line drawing of a computer, natch!)

Geek (or is that “nerd”?) that I am, I thought “I bet ‘talk nerdy to me’ is just the tip of the iceberg.” And lo and behold, after a couple of quick searches on both Kaboodle and Google, I found these t-shirt slogans:

“I logged off Second Life for this??”

“It’s not that I can’t explain it – it’s just that you wouldn’t understand”

“Alcohol and calculus don’t mix – don’t drink and derive”

“Ctrl + Alt + Delete is ALWAYS an option”

And my personal favourite:

< >
That’s a great idea.
< / sarcasm >

And here’s one I know my Dad will appreciate:

“If you’re not part of the solution, you’re part of the precipitate”

(Chemist humour!)

PS (I started a t-shirt list on my Kaboodle profile.)

Forgive me, Father...

... for I have sinned... it has been over two weeks since my last blog entry.

And as a result, I'm seriously backblogged.

Honestly, where does the time go? I have made myself notes about many, many things to blog about, but I have not been able to siphon off even a half hour of late to chat about something random and unimportant.

Time to reprioritize! After all, the world needs more inane blogs about even more inane and random topics. :-)

Super Sunday!

As you all know, I've been fully adopted into the phenomenon that is Steeler Nation and as such, I am now a huge Pittsburgh Steelers fan of my own accord. (It's kind of amusing to think that if Special K decided to break up with me, I would still follow those darn Men of Steel on my own... and LIKE it.)

Special K and I watched the AFC Championship together in a couple of sports bars near my place in NoCal and as Super Sunday drew nearer, Special K was able to wrangle his way to Tampa and managed to secure a couple of tickets to the Big Game for himself and good buddy (and fellow Pittsburgh native), PJ.

Meanwhile, I was in NYC that weekend and had gathered with a bunch of friends at Mercury Bar on 9th Avenue to watch the game (and yes, I was wearing my Steelers t-shirt!) For those of you who watched the game, you'll know that the fourth quarter was absolutely exhausting with the Cardinals coming from behind to score a touchdown with only a couple of minutes left on the clock.

In the last 35 seconds, Steelers QB, Big Ben, threw a pass into the end zone to Santonio Holmes -- he caught it, but it was unclear in the moment whether he was actually in bounds or not.

My biggest personal contribution to Super Bowl XLIII was being able to send Special K a text message at that point in the game, while the play was under review and the stadium did not have the benefit of television's gift of instant replay, and jubilantly tell Speciak K that "He's totally in! Both feet!!"

Special K was then able to share that with his entire section before the official ruling on the field was announced.

Gotta love technology! And ring #6 for the Steelers!