Please Don't Go

A magazine (that shall remain nameless, but note that it is not one of the titles published by the media company for whom I work) keeps sending me emails saying "Shari, we want you back!"

On its own, it's quite a flattering statement (especially with the emphatic exclamation point adding just that extra bit of well, emphasis about how much they want me back) and when I opened up the email, the line that immediately jumped out at me (because it was bolded) was "we want another chance".

What woman doesn't have at least one young man in her past whom she wished would have sent an email, text message, card, or letter by carrier pigeon with those words emotionally scrawled across the page (or screen)? And I think that's exactly the sentiment that our little periodical friends are trying to tap into. What better feeling than having the upper hand, even if just for a few moments, to fold your arms across your chest, scrunitize the suitor and make him sweat while you contemplate (for real or just for show) his worthiness.

The only flaw in their logic is the one teeny, tiny detail that they never had me in the first place. That's right, I've never even had a subscription to this particular publication. So how can they "want me back"? How can I give them another chance when I'd never even given them a first one?

And why would I want to be with somebody who clearly has me confused with someone else?