Am I on Candid Camera?

Honestly, I am very grateful that I am not plagued by MAJOR travel issues, like frequently cancelled flights, two-day layovers due to freak storms, hotel rooms with cockroaches etc, but when little blips occur on my travels, I just feel like I need to share the frustration with someone. Blog readers, you are the lucky bunch. (Along with anyone else who will listen… which lately has included many of my co-workers as well as complete strangers on airplanes.) ANYWAY.

A few weeks ago, I dropped off my rental car at the San Jose airport, on my way to catch a flight down south. The front bumper of the car was slightly damaged when I picked it up a few days earlier, but because I have that “Preferred” service (where my paperwork is already in the car, ready to go, when I arrive), I assumed (erroneously as it turns out) that BEFORE they put the paperwork in the car, they would have done a walk-around and noted any prior damage. (Or better yet, they wouldn’t give a PREFERRED customer a damaged car to begin with.)

Well, I guess they didn’t because when I dropped the car off, the receiving attendant in the lot really gave me the gears and sent me inside to fill out an “accident report” – quite ironic since THERE WAS NO ACCIDENT. (Which I tried to explain to him, but to no avail.)

I was already tight on time and when I went into the office to ask about the paperwork I needed to complete, the single Avis agent on duty was already helping another customer. With a nervous glance at my watch, I shifted from foot to foot as I waited. I could overhear the gentleman at the counter, asking EVERY conceivable question possible to the agent:

“Now, what exactly does this insurance cover?”

“Now, what precisely does this line in the contract mean?”

“Now, would it be better for me to get insurance X or insurance Y or both?”

“Now, just how does the gas option work again?”

“And what does the insurance cover again?”

“How much is the deductible again?”

“So, if I drive into a building, I’m covered?”

“Now, on this map, how do I get to Place XYZ?”

“And how do I get back to the San Jose airport 10 days from now when I will be leaving?”

It was at this point where I lost my patience and was forced to interrupt (and had to use all my willpower not to grab the man’s map and toss it outside in an attempt to make him go fetch it) and said “I’m really sorry, but I am running late for a flight and REALLY need to fill out an accident report… even though there has been no accident.”

This snapped both Mr. Questions and the Avis agent out of their Pedro-and-Napoleon style dialogue and thankfully, I was able to complete the paperwork relatively quickly (including a succinct “There was no accident” statement in the “notes” section).

I sprinted out of the Avis building towards the waiting shuttle bus at the curb, thankful that there was already a shuttle waiting. As I hurried towards the bus, the driver stared right at me and while making direct eye contact the entire time, leaned over and pulled the giant lever that closes the bus doors… and drove away.

Either I had become temporarily invisible (I didn't even KNOW that I owned an Invisibility Cloak) or I looked like his ex-girlfriend... who cheated on him.